when i was younger i used to hear a lot of the narratives of a "crazy woman" from my older cousins, uncles, and in televisions. at that time, the narrative of a crazy woman, was indeed crazy. women are weird aren't they? them being crazy are laughing matters and we pity them for losing their mind. they work by any means to support the lives they have, often marrying random men for money and still, they are laughing matters. nobody could love them because they are difficult to love and they made all these poor decisions.
but the older i get and the more i know men, the more i understand that the narratives of crazy women, oftentimes, left out a big chunk of story - her perspective. before they were crazy, they were just women. And before they were women, they were just girls. your uncle, cousins, brother, friends won't tell you that they cheated on their women before they went crazy, they won't tell you that they hit them, they won't tell you that they don't support their women financially while also expecting them to do the houseworks, they won't tell that they've became lazy, they won't tell you about their porn addiction that he himself won't count as cheating. they left those stories out and paint themselves as a saint who, somehow, just unfortunately got stuck with this crazy woman.
as a woman who has been called narcissistic, manipulative and gaslighter after telling a man how i wish i had not been hurt - i start to understand these crazy women. and i thought to myself, that i think the label "crazy women" mostly exist to cover men fallibilities. yes i know i am not perfect and maybe, out of anger, there are some things i wish i had not said or done but i was never crazy, nor being narcissistic for asking that i deserve better treatment and attention without being over-the-top. i am not manipulative for bringing out moments that hurt me to make my points across. and I am not gaslighting when i recall events based on my memories and kept on telling him why it hurt me.
I started to think about all the women i've been told as "crazy". the woman who went into a fashion store while being on a date wasn't crazy - my uncle was just poor and it's kinda his fault for picking someone that obviously looks like needing lavish lifestyle. my aunt who got suspicious over my uncle everytime he goes out wasn't crazy - because apparently my uncle did go out and cheat with multiple women even now that he's 60-something. the first wife who kept calling and spamming my (other) uncle always asking for money for their child wasn't crazy either - it's his obligation to send child support, if he can support a side woman, he definitely should support his child. my female cousin who got chained at mental hospital after birthing 8 children and still being asked for more while also being cut from her support system at the same time isn't crazy, she has every right for the crashout when she's being treated like a baby machine by her husband. my friend's mom who had married 2 or 3 times to random widowed men isn't crazy either, she needed help raising her two daughters after her husband went missing. if there's anything, it's these men who should be in mental institutes because abusing someone and expecting them to go on their day without getting reactive is completely ignorant and narcissistic.
this doesn't surprise me at all. less and less women would want to get married and male loneliness epidemic is raising. if we keep looking at it through the lens of men saying that women become more demanding and lazy, we should never forget the abuse these men has put to women before us and still choose not to settle until they've proven themselves as worthy.
